Monday, April 17, 2017

First Grade Funnies...a Growing Collection!

First graders are brutally honest and hilarious!!!  I have so many funny stories 😂...more than I can remember, of course.  I decided to go through my social media accounts and collect as many of my old stories as I can find.  I figure my blog is as good a place as any to keep my stories in a centralized location.
I will continue to add to this post as I find more or as 1st graders inevitably say more hilarious things!!  Names changed to protect the innocent...or guilty!

Painful Memories
1st Grade Quote of the Day:  I read that book when I was getting circumcised!

Been There, Kiddo
Miss B, I'm just really tired, so if you see my eyes closed, don't be worried.

Picture Day
"Teacher, my hair is very spicy today!" ~ Newcomer/language learner telling me about his extra gelled and "spiky" hair!

I Don't Deserve Vacations
Boy:  Where are the chapter books you said you were going to add to our library?
Me:  They're still at home.  I need to finish labeling them and then I'll bring them.
Boy:  Well, you should have done that over Spring Break.  *and walks away*

Field Day Fun!
Boy:  WOW! I'm sure glad I took my underwear off so they wouldn't get wet and shrink!

Big Dreams
My 1st graders wrote out their dreams, goals, and wishes for our school's Life Cube project.  I gave them privacy and didn't read them, but a few shared aloud and they were beautiful:
I wish they would find a cure for diabetes.
I want my grandpa to get out of jail.
I want more family time because my parents work too much.
I want more friends.
I want to get better at reading.
I wish my grandma would come back to life.
And then there's this one....I want to be Optimus Prime.

Very Important Information
As I was reviewing the table of contents in a student's informational book, I noticed a chapter called "Do Not Lick The Ball".   😂

Language Fail
One of my students speaks Russian.  Each day, we walk together to her after school club.  She decided she wants to teach me Russian for a week and then test me. I told her I'm not so great at other languages, but it sounds fun.
She spoke the word for "mother" during my first lesson and told me to repeat it.  I tried my best. She looks straight at me and says, "Yea, you're gonna need a lot of work."

Just Wait, Kid!  
I was frantically looking for a math activity that I'd misplaced while the kids were cleaning up.  One of my little boys was following behind me because he is like my little shadow.
I was muttering, "Where did I put that?" and I hear him behind me, say under his breath, "Short term memory lossssssss."

Wardrobe Malfunction!
One of my girls discovered her shirt was on backward, so I helped her get her arms out of the sleeves and turn it around.  It was kind of a tight shirt and it took some muscle and a bit of time.  When we were done, she said, "Do me a favor.  Let's never speak of this again!"

Mom's Crush
Making spinning tops at Science:
Me:  I like how your blue and black design looks when you spin your top.
Boy: I made it that way because I like the Carolina Panthers.
Me:  I thought so.  Do you like Cam Newton?
Boy:  Yes AND (cue hysterical laughter) MY MOM WANTS TO MARRY HIM!

Happy Birthday to Me
Student:  Your birthday is in September.
Me:  Yes, it is.
Student:  You gonna be 38 on your birthday.
Me:  You're right!  Good job remembering!
Student:  You gonna be old.

I Heard Nothing
My tiniest 1st grade girl (weighs about 30 pounds soaking wet) won a spelling game against a boy who had been acting like he was going to beat her easily.  As she walks up to get her treat, she says, "IN YOUR FACE, LUIS!" and points at him.
I had to laugh!

World Champion
I lost my first Ruzzle a 6 year old boy.  The class went bonkers!  He shouted, "YEAAAHHHH WORLD CHAMPIONNNNN!  I WON!!!!!  My neighbor teacher stopped by to see what all the ruckus was about!

Research Papers
Animal Research excerpt..."A platypus is a weird mammal.  It lays eggs.  But, it is what it is."

Contraction Confusion 
We've been learning about contractions.   I tell my students that we put the apostrophe there to show that we left out some letters when we were putting the two words together.
Later on, during Science....
A boy is trying to squeeze the words "horseshoe magnet" into a small space in his Science Notebook, but couldn't get it to fit.  So here is what he ended up writing:  "horseshoe't"

Tired Santa
Girl:  We took pictures with Santa.  Then, when we were leaving, we saw Santa walking to his car.  He took his hat off and plopped down into his seat.
I was dying laughing, thinking of some old hairy guy leaving the nasty mall and getting into his beater car after a long day!!! 

We started an opinion/persuasive piece, where students "apply" for a job as an elf and give reasons why they want the job or would be good at it.  They can choose jobs such as "Reindeer Caretaker", "Candy Maker", "Toy Designer", etc. (Thanks Courtney Marsh for the great idea!)
We discussed a good opening/topic sentence and I posted some starter ideas for them.  I walk over to one little boy and he has started with "I don't".  I said, "Uh oh, let's try using one of the starter ideas we talked about."
He replies, with tears brimming, "I don't want a job!  I don't want to leave my mom and dad!"

March Madness
Boy:  Who do the Ducks play today?
Me: Michigan.
Boy:  Oh, I like Michigan.
Other boy, physically jumping into the middle of our conversation:   MICHIGAN IS TRAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!

Lemonade and More
We talked about ways to earn money to buy something expensive.
Boy:  A lemonade stand!
Girl:  I had a lemonade stand, but I sold lemonade, Capri Sun, and beer.

Rough Recess 
Me (picking kids up at recess):  Where is Kelly?
Girl (very matter-of-factly):  She had to go to the nurse because she had a heart attack.

Don't End Up In There!
As we walked to Art:  "Miss Blanchard, what's the killin' room?"

Hey Diddle Diddle

Student: She looks like the cow jumped over the moon!

To be continued!!!!!!!


  1. Love it! I wish I had written down all the crazy stuff that has happened in my room over the years! This is a great the lemonade stand. Wish we had those around here! LOL

    1. Thank! I have SO many more funnies from over the years...hopefully, I can remember some more. I'm going to try to log them all here from now on! :)
      Practical Primary Teacher